So, along with the big to-be-read pile of novels I have, I’m also reading on my Kindle app a self-help relationship book (pauses for guffaws to subside) Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (because reasons) and liked the way the writer, Bonnie Eaker Weil, describes the stages of relationships, in particular, the Euphoria stage, that first stage in which love really is bliss.
You feel blissful and everything seems to spontaneously flow and take care of itself. The first stage of a relationship, which I call the Euphoria Stage, isn’t supposed to last. It’s at the beginning for a good reason. You feel this way because your brain is stimulating the release of powerful “feel-good” hormones called vasopressin and oxytocin, which overpower your fears.
It’s the “falling in love stage,” the “love is blind” stage and we all know it so well. The honeymoon phase, where even negative traits are bypassed for the most part. It’s that stage we see in movies and on TV.
It’s also the stage — it lasts about three to six month, according to Weil — that when it ends, it’s usually the point in which couples break up or seek new rides. It’s also the stage we seem to crave the most. The high our brains shove on us. And it makes me think we seek that high in other ways just to get that feeling back over and over, whether it’s drugs or booze or religious fervor.
I catch it, if I’m lucky, as a writer, especially writing fiction, when the story takes over. It’s a temporary state of being. All are, aren’t they? Nothing is permanent, as Buddhists know. And yet, we seek connection. Something that lasts a lifetime. That true love.
It’s what I’ve longed for. Sort of the paradoxically permanent-impermanence. I’m pretty good managing the Euphoria stage, but like most of us, not so good at going beyond that. (Ironic, I suppose, a professional communicator, a writer, has a hard time with communication.) Of consciously choosing to love someone. Still, I believe. And I believe someone is worth the effort.
*Editor’s note: Feel free to show your euphoric love by buying this book or any other I’ve mentioned on this blog as you read all my fabulous blog posts. I am linked to Amazon Associates and can make some money. So buy from me. Now!